A Matter of Survival
by Knight on Bald Mountain
Summary: The story of Rusl Hymark: bounty hunter for the Shades of the Eternal Void (recently merged). Originally posted on the shade's site, but I figured some of my fans might be interested in checking this story out. Tragic tale told from Hymark's point of view as he details the story to an unknown listener. Strictly OC characters.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

It was only a skinned knee; nothing serious. So why did it hurt like hell? I mean . . . I know it was many years ago (I think I was six years old), but I can still recall the event with perfect clarity. Strange, really, how not only do certain events remain ingrained in your head, but the feelings during them as well. I was playing with some of the local ruffian kids in the streets of Jorrigu, the capital city of Nar Chunna. While chasing one of the kids through an alley, I stumbled over some garbage. Damn, the pain! I may be able to pride myself now with a high tolerance of pain, but back then . . . wow!

I stumbled back to my parents, crying the whole way through; not my proudest moment at all. My mother took me by the hand and we walked back home. That house-unit was an old, grey building on the outskirts of town which barely served its purpose. I'd tell you the names of my parents here and what they did, I suppose, but I honestly don't know. All I know is that my name is Rusl Hymark, and my parents . . . they did something that the hutts didn't like. I'll get their shortly, but not yet.

Where was I? Right, the skinned knee. Hurt like hell. Anyway, when my mother saw it, she did as all good mothers did (I assume, using her and Tyree as examples), and she helped clean it up. I tried not to cry in front of her. For some reason, I found it more difficult to let her see me weep as opposed to the guys I hung out with. Not that I wanted them to see me cry, but it bothered me more that my mother saw me in that state. Of course, she didn't care. If anything she encouraged me to be honest with her.

"You shouldn't feel ashamed that you have to cry." She told me, her hand caressing my knee with a damp cloth. My response was far less smooth. "I- I just didn- . . . didn't want y-y-you to think I was w- . . . weak."

My mother smiled. It was a sweet smile. I don't think there is a sweeter thing in all the galaxies that comes close to a mother's smile for her child. "You can never shame me, Rusl, so long as you have a good heart."

"A good heart? W-what's that?"

"It's something some people have but others . . . choose not to get. To have a good heart means that you choose to do the right thing, and not the wrong thing."

"But how will I know what's right and what's wrong?"

"Your dad and I will teach you."

This was the first time my mother told me about morals. If only I knew then what I knew now, I would have told her to teach me everything at that moment, and to leave nothing out. Of course, that's impossible, and I must live with the way things are. But if I could . . . if only I could.

Sorry, I shouldn't allow myself to drift. The problem is that despite the fact that I cherish these childhood memories, it always reminds me of the memories I abhor. I suppose then, that it's time to talk about that day.

It was a little over a year later. I was playing just outside the house when my mother called me inside. I thought it was time for supper, and that she'd greet me with that smile that I always loved. To my dismay, she wasn't smiling. In fact, she looked horrified, if anything. It was the first time I saw that look on her face, and I didn't understand what it meant, but it made me worry. I think she realized that I was beginning to do so, because she then attempted to hide her fear with that smile. She couldn't quite hold it together, but it comforted me then. I listened intently as she explained everything to me.

"Listen to me, my son," she never called me 'my son' before. "Your father and I need you to hide."

"Are we playing a game?" I was so stupid and naive then.

"No, dear. This is not a game. You must hide somewhere that nobody can find you, and you must not come out until we tell you to."

"But why?"

"I can't explain it, dear. Just . . ." I think it was here that I noticed the tears in her eyes. "You must do this. And no matter what happens, you must not come out before we say. No matter what you hear."

"But why?" My mind just wasn't processing anything. My father came into the room in a rush at that point. He said something into my mother's ear before quickly heading to a number of cupboards, grabbing seemingly random things and tossing them into the garbage compactor. My mother hurried me to a far corner of the room before she answered. She kneeled so that she was level with me, and spoke to my eyes. "Because, we want you to have a long and full life. We want you to live!"

There was a thud at our front door causing my mother to shudder. She mouthed the word 'go' and I obeyed. I went climbing from the kitchen counter to the ventilation shaft. I had learned quickly how to open the grate that covered it and shut it behind me quite early when I had a desire to be mischievous. It was a brief phase of my childhood that my father halted before it got out of hand, but I never forgot what I'd done. Instead of crawling all the way to the back of the shaft (before it drops down), I opted to stay close so I could watch what was going on.

I would regret doing this for the rest of my life.

The front door finally opened, and two aliens, a gamorrean and a twi'lek, forced their way into the living area. The twi'lek spoke huttese, which would have been fine, as I'd grown up learning it as well as basic, but he spoke really fast. All I caught were a couple words here and there; a mention of Yurgga the Hutt, the local law. I still don't know what they wanted, but it became obvious that they were upset at my parents. My father tried to be calm as he responded, and I understood him to say something along the lines of, "We don't have anything."

It didn't help. That twi'lek was fast, and angry. He got louder and louder. I remember thinking he was going to explode, but he didn't. Instead, he drew his blaster and held it at my mother. I was shocked, as was my father who tried to calm him down, but it wasn't any good. He shot her, and she collapsed on the ground. My father charged the twi'lek, but the gamorean cleaved him with his ax. He nearly cut him in half. It was a sight that a child should not have witnessed. I tried to close my eyes, but I couldn't. I really should have, because it wasn't quite over yet. My mother was still alive, and she struggled to move, but the gamorrean saw this as an opportunity. He grabbed my mother and took her into the bedroom.

I did not understand what I was witnessing. All I could do was watch in shock, trying to not watch. But all I could see was my mother in pain. All I could think of was how much I wanted to push my way out of the ventilator and rush to her side, but it wasn't the knowledge that I would get myself killed that held me back, but my mother's command that I must not get out until she said. When that monster was done with my mother, he took his ax to her as well and walked away laughing. Laughing! That sick bastard was laughing at my suffering!

I . . . can't speak of this act any longer. It sickens me . . . and enrages me! Had I known who they were, those two, I would have sought them when I had grown stronger. Unfortunately, as a child, I could do nothing. I couldn't even cry, which was perhaps my saving grace in all this. All I could do was wait. I waited for hours, wondering when my mother would somehow fix herself up and tell me to come out. I was so naive then. It wasn't until midnight that I finally realized that she wouldn't call me. She would never call me again. As I crawled back out of the ventilator, I took a closer look at my parents. Almost instantly, I began weeping and puking.

To this day, I can safely say that it was the most sickening thing I'd ever seen. Everything else at that moment became a rather tangled mess of thoughts. I don't think I can recall what all I was pondering. I do remember the conclusion that I had come to, and it was my mother's final words to me:

"We want you to have a long and full life. We want you to live."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

My parents didn't have any friends that I knew of; an assumption which was reinforced by the fact that nobody came to check in our house for at least a week. After that, I wouldn't know because I knew I had to move on. There was only one place I knew of that I could turn to: the street kids. I had played around with them quite often when my family would head out into town. They didn't seem to mind so long as I didn't get into any serious trouble. I did consider the possibility later on that maybe I did do something that I shouldn't have, and that was the reason why my parents were slaughtered, but this seemed far less likely once I learned more about Nar Chunna as a whole. We'll touch on that in a moment.

Anyway, the only place I could turn to were the streets with the ruffians. It didn't take me too long to find some of the kids I knew from before. I remember one pretty distinctly. They called him Shakes, though I didn't know why at the time. Turned out he was a great crier when a distraction was needed, and he would shake his whole body when he did so. The kid also was one of the few brightly shaded humans I'd ever seen on the planet, being of a much darker tone, myself. And his hair! Idiot never knew what to do with it! He just let it grow and grow until his whole head was hidden behind a veil of auburn hair. Nice kid, though. He introduced me to the rest of the gang.

Turned out that the majority of the gang was much older than I. The younger ones were generally free to hang around so long as the provided help here and there and didn't rat out on the gang. You NEVER rat out on the gang. The leader was a sixteen year old we had to call the Giver. Stupidest gang leader name ever. Why did he use it? I still have no clue. I guess it was because he was 'generous,' as much of a lie as it was.

I was taken to see him at night, while blindfolded. No big deal. They took me to their hideout, and presented me as a possible new member. The Giver . . . man, I STILL can't get past how stupid that name is . . . the Giver looked at me with cold eyes. He looked completely uninterested, though I can tell now that it was an act. A ruse to make me think I'll have to interest him in order to get in. It worked. I was so naive.

"What makes you think you're 'Myrmidon' material?" He asked. That was the name of the gang. The myrmidons. Why he was able to come up with a strong name for he gang and such a horrible one for himself, I'll never understand.

"Well . . . I don't know." I was drawing a blank. What did he expect from a kid my age? Did he think I could pick pockets? Slice computer terminals? Hack droid processing chips? Apparently, all of the above because his response was worse than expected. "You've come to us without ANY skills? Do you think we'll accept ANYBODY into the gang?"

"I . . . I don't know." Again, what did he expect me to say?

"Well then . . ." I remember a smile slowly streaking across his face. Such a smug smile, knowing that I had no choice but to accept his forthcoming deal. "I suppose we COULD teach you to be one of us . . . but you'll need to go through a series of tests in order to prove yourself. Will you do them?"

Seriously, what did he expect me to say? My parents were MASSACRED by hutt thugs, and I had NO friends to turn to. This was my only option if I wanted to survive in this galaxy. "I will."

That smile on his face widened. Such a pompous ass.

So I had to fulfill a number of tasks to prove my worth. He was going to also have me complete a series of tests to see if I would be loyal, but Shakes stood up for me on that. He really was a nice kid. I was given a day to 'prepare' myself for the coming trials, which consisted of . . . jack. I ate some of their food when I got up that morning, since I hadn't eaten anything mildly decent in a week and fell back to sleep.

Actually, I had difficulty sleeping. Ever since the night of the murder, I had horrible nightmares. They all began the same way, with the re-enacting of the murder, in all of its gory detail, but the ending was always different. On the first night, the twi'lek spotted me and chased me through the ventilation shaft, which had evolved into a gigantic maze. On another night, the gamorrean saw me, and he dragged me away to be eaten by Yurrga's manka cats. But the one that I feared the most was the one when the two hooligans left and my parents came back to life. Sound pleasant? Well it wasn't. They still took the form of their disfigured selves, and pretended to act as if nothing was wrong; as if the galaxy had turned for the better since being butchered. THAT dream went on for what felt like days before I went insane and ran away, but whenever I looked back, they were right behind me, smiling all the damned way!

Ugh! That still gives me the creeps. Such a haunting vision no child should ever have to see or ANYONE for that matter. I need to move on, or I might dream of it again. It scares the pants off of Tyree when I groan in my sleep while having that dream.

Sorry, gotta stay focused.

The trials were difficult. I believe it would have been more accurate to call it hazing than trials. I'd just go about my way, but whenever the big guys wanted, they'd have me do something, or do something to me. Most of the time, they just beat me up. Sometimes they'd humiliate me. All the while, they tested my endurance, forbidding me to eat, drink or sleep for the majority of the time.

Eventually, I proved my worth, and I was allowed to live with the Myrmidons. Since I was one of the younger kids, I mostly hung out with Shakes and his friends, while the big kids got into most of the trouble. We got along quite well, but I thought he was a little slow in the head. He kept asking me these questions. Questions like: Why do you comb your hair? Why do you eat sitting up? Why do you have all your teeth? Such stupid questions, I would think, and then I'd answer them plainly. I don't think he ever had any follow up questions whenever I answered him. No, wait. He did once.

I had just turned eight, and the younger kids had a little celebration set up for me. There was a gorbekt cake, and they told me to make a wish out loud before I took a bite, as there were no candles to blow out. I remember closing my eyes, and wishing with all my will.

"I wish my parents were still alive." I forgot to mention the part about them not still being mutilated, but since my wish didn't come true, it didn't matter. In case you couldn't guess, however, it was my wish that got Shakes thinking. When I tried to sleep that night, he woke me with his first question. "Why would you wish for that?"

"For what?" Not naivety this time, just too damned tired to think.

"For your parents to be alive. Why would you wish for that?"

I had thought my response would properly shut him up, but I was wrong. "Because I love them."

"How? How could you love them?"

Such a stupid question, I had thought. "How? Because they loved me back."

"No they didn't." He replied, shaking his head. "Parents don't love their kids."

"What makes you so sure about that?" My parents hugged me when I was sad, protected me when I was scared, and cherished me whenever I woke up in the morning. Of course they loved me, but Shakes refused to believe it. "Didn't they make you do things you didn't want to do? Make you wash your feet, make your bed, or clean your room?"

"Of course they did." What was his point, I'd thought.

"People who love you don't make you do things you don't want to do." His next words were stated as if it were a badge of pride. "That's why I left my parents."

Nice kid, but he could be stupid sometimes. "You'd rather be here, than with your parents? It's not like the Giver doesn't ever tell you to do something you wouldn't want to do."

"Yeah, but he let's me do whatever I want when I'm done doing his thing." So did my parents when I was finished doing what they wanted. Idiot! Of course I didn't say that to his face. I was still in that phase of childhood where I wouldn't call people names to their faces. At this point of the argument, I was just too tired to keep talking. I told him 'whatever' and went back to sleep.

I obviously realize now that I was a special case. To grow up in such a mud hole of a planet where nothing went right, I had to be the 'nice kid' and do listen to my parents, who also happened to be the 'nice couple.' A lot of good that did them. Perhaps if they thought of my future more, than they wouldn't have done whatever it was they did that got them killed.

Parents like Shakes's were the norm: bossy and unloving. I wonder where he is now, and if he is some child's parent now. How would he treat him or her? Would he correct the wrongs of his own parent or would he act just as his were? He probably avoids kids at all cost, knowing how mischievous and troublesome they can be.

Even after that night, Shakes and I remained friends for another two years. It was during that time that the older boys began teaching me the basics of picking pockets, slicing computer terminals, and droid construction (that last one would take me many years to finally perfect, but I still think I learned enough to mention it). I also learned to fight and began to workout in my spare time. I was beginning to get pretty good at it, even got this thirteen year old to yield in a brawl. Eventually, there was talk of making me one of the 'older boys.' Of course I wasn't going to grow up faster, but because I did such a good job at learning, they considered bringing me in on their bigger heists. They decided that they'd need to give me another test to see if I could do it.

The job was simple, really. All I had to do was sneak into an apartment and trash the place by myself. The only other condition was that the apartment would have to belong to someone that appeared to be a difficult target. As you can guess, the mission did not go as planned, and my life ended up turning once more.

The apartment I had picked belonged to a bounty hunter.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

It just dawned on me that you're probably wondering WHY I'm telling you all of this. Well, I've been thinking that the best way to talk about what happened is to start at the beginning. I feel that the best way to understand a person is to know their life and how they lived it. I've actually used this technique in order to get some of my toughest bounties. It's rather unconventional, but I find that it works a lot. Most bounty hunters will just charge their target with guns blazing, or maybe snipe them from certain vantage points. Lots of experienced targets won't put themselves in positions where one would be sniped, and they'd have enough firepower to take on most targets in a stand-off.

I didn't learn this from Kast, which I expect one might find surprising. Still, I owe a great deal from what I did learn from her to what led me to this point. After all, I did get caught trying to steal her most prized trophy and she had the decency to give me a new life.

Perhaps I'm getting a little ahead of myself. Let's go back to the actual event. It was freezing cold outside, which is very strange for Nar Chunna. I was scurried into the Giver's room so that I could be given my final test. This wasn't like those other tests that just let me join the Myrmidons. This was to put me in the higher ranks of the group. Having turned nine, and having proven to be a very fast learner, it was time for me to go on to move up in the gang. I didn't realize that they were ready to accept me into their echelon. They'd always looked down on me, despite my improving skill. If I wasn't so dumb back then, I probably would have realized that the Giver actually was 'giving' me a chance that the others didn't think I was ready for. Imagine that.

Anyway, they brought me in front of the Giver, and he stared at me with those prudent eyes of his. "So, Rusl. I've decided that it is time for you to prove your worth to us as a . . . compatriot, rather than a servant. Are you interested in taking on the task that I'll 'give' to you?"

I hated his puns even then, but a least I wasn't too stupid to tell him that to his face. I had replied with an astounding, "Yes, sir."

He smiled at me with that blasted smile, again.

"Good." He said. Then he proceeded to explain to me my target and objective. The person was a bounty hunter named Skye Kast. She was relatively well-known throughout Hutt space, but I doubt much elsewhere. From what others said, she earned her fame after eliminating a hutt that was invading one of its rivals. The story was quite twisted, as I later learned, but more on that later. The point was that she was in Nar Chunna and had decided to take shelter in one of the upper rooms in the "Dust Star" Cantina. A good place for one trying to lay low, but an easy place to prey upon if your predator finds you. And find her we did.

My goal was to go in and steal the horns of an Opkin Trince. He was some devaronian scumbag that Kast had to chase through the Hoth Asteroid Belt to claim. Apparently, the guy had laced his own horns in some wealthy metal, or alloy, or whatever. They made a fancy trophy for Kast, and she tended to show it off whenever she needed to boost her ego, so the tales claimed.

Before I could leave to complete this task, however, the Giver had one more thing to tell me? "Remember, Rusl, that if you are caught, you must NEVER reveal who you are and who you belong with. You are HONOR bound to die before telling her, or anyone, of us or our location."

This was the first time I'd ever heard of honor. "What's honor?"

That smile disappeared in an instance. He almost scolded me for not knowing. "What is honor? WHAT IS HONOR? Honor is pride! Honor is the way of life! Honor is the Myrmidons!"

Very vague as you can see, but it was enough for me to stop asking questions. I just kept nodding my head until he was done ranting. After that, I rushed out to the Dust Star. I waited until Kast left before trying to get to her room. Sneaking into the cantina wasn't too bad. The Dust Star was known for patrons that loaded up on narcotics and alcohol. The lock on the door to her room was pretty easy to break as my newly acquired slicing skills proved to show. Everything was going smoothly as I crept into the room and began rummaging through Kast's belongings. Luckily for me, the horns I was looking for were easy to find, as she had them on display on top of the dresser drawer across from her bed.

When I first thought up my plan, I'd told myself merely to grab the horns and get out. When I got there, however, there were so many glamorous things in the room that I knew I'd get extra praise from the Giver if I took a little more time to gather them up. I don't think I need to elaborate on what happened next. Within just a couple of minutes, Kast had returned to her room to find me still collecting her trophies. I expected her to scream at me and shove her carbine into my face. As such, before she had time to react at all, I was already playing out in my head what I planned to say if I was to get caught.

"I won't tell you anything! I'd die before I'd tell you anything!"

If I could have seen her face through that helmet, I probably would have seen nothing but confusion. "What? You won't tell me what?"

"I won't tell you. I'd die first." But I remember thinking how much of a lie that was. I just hoped that she'd assume that were true and let me go. I didn't want to die. The last thing I wanted in all the galaxy was to die.

Kast didn't say anything for a while. She just put her hand to her helmet and shook her head. Eventually she finally spoke. "You're with that street gang that hangs around here, aren't you?"

I was shocked. The Giver had always left the impression that the Myrmidons were super secret. Of course, he was super liar. "Y-y-y-yeah."

She sighed, as she put her hand on my shoulder. "Why would you die for something so trivial?"

I'd been asking myself that question ever since the Giver told me I would. "I don't know. They told me to."

"Really? You'd have given up your life for them simply because they told you to?"

I was starting to feel REALLY stupid with each of her passing questions. "I don't know. I wouldn't have honor if I didn't."

That made her laugh. At first I thought she was laughing at me, which briefly made me flush. It was soon replaced with curiosity when she explained to me what that word really meant. "Don't listen to them. Honor is superfluous. That means it doesn't exist unless you say it does. Since you're not with them, it's up to you."

At this moment, she took a hold of the carbine attached to her waist, but she did not yet point it at me. "Tell me, then. Are you honor-bound to die for your actions, or does it not exist for you?"

I thought long and hard about that. It didn't exist? But the Giver said it did. I spent so much of my energy trying to figure it out that it started to actually hurt. I began to rub my temples as I began to rationalize everything. In the end, it all came down to my parents. They wanted me to live, and I wanted to please them. "I . . . want to live."

"Smart kid." She put her gun down and moved to the bed. I thought she was expecting me to leave, but when she suddenly took off her helmet, I found myself paralyzed. Underneath her death mask was a mane of long, red hair that fell down to the middle of her back. Her eyes were a captivating green, and I could have sworn they twinkled when she looked my way. I may have been young, but I understood the beauty of women. The Giver was said to have had his own personal concubine that gave him great pleasure. It was pretty obvious to her what was happening to me, as she let a smile streak her face. I think she took satisfaction in my awe. Not that she thought I was cute or anything. She just loved garnering attention.

"What's your name, kid?"

"R-Rusl H-Hymark." I stammered. Her beauty had just stunned me. Why would one of her attractiveness hide behind such a horrid helmet, I couldn't wrap my head around it. She leaned forward to talk to me. "Well, Rusl Hymark, you're in luck. I've been looking for a protégé for quite some time, and you would suit me well."

"How do you know that?" It seemed rather odd for her to offer me such a thing after finding me trying to rob her.

"My gut tells me. It's never steered me wrong yet." She then went into detail about how much better my life would be if I went with her. The luxury, the excitement, the experience. All of it would be mine if I went with her, she claimed. Despite the . . . decent times I had with Shakes, I knew I couldn't go back a failure before the Giver. Besides, Kast was being incredibly generous, and promised a GOOD life outside of this forsaken world. I barely gave it a second thought when she finished throwing me her pitch. "Yes! I'll go with you!"

I slept in her room that night on the couch. It was the fastest I'd fallen asleep in a long time. On the morning after, we left on her ship to Nar Shaddaa.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I have to admit, that I actually enjoyed a lot of my time with Kast, even if I spent most of my time just refining the skills I obtained with the Myrmidons. Kast took the basics I'd been taught and expounded upon them by tenfold. The fact that I've been able to hack into some closely kept secrets of both the Empire and Republic alike is all proof what the skill she had taught me; not to mention constructing my own protocol droid. It really made me wonder why she squandered all of her own abilities as a small-time bounty hunter. Sure, she pulled some strings to make her seem famous, but it was all false. Turned out that a vast number of jobs were either incredibly exaggerated or altogether false. Remember her trophy? The supposed 'horns of Opkin Trince' and how she chased him through an asteroid belt? Never happened. The guy didn't even exist. The horns belonged to some sort of beast I forgot what it was called, and she merely had them colored to look precious.

She was more concerned about her appearance than about anything else. Actually those looks of hers were mostly prosthetic, but I'm not just talking about her physical appearance. People needed to know that she was tough, and that you didn't want to mess with her. Took her several years before she told me the whole thing. I'm . . . getting ahead of myself again. It would be best if I explain that at the end of this segment.

Even though most of my time was spent working on computers and droids, I continued to work out in my spare time. It wasn't until after I'd spent my first year with her that she gave me my first weapon: a Bonadan Bronzium Blaster. Pretty weak stuff, but decent for amateurs. When I was by myself, I'd practice with it on random vermin. I'd cradle the thing with both hands, and gaze down the sights with one eye open. Even still, I missed my targets a lot. It wasn't until I learned to steady my grasp that I started to score perfect kills. The moment I felt I had proven myself, I showed off my new skills to Kast. She was not impressed.

"That all you got?" She asked; surprised that that was all I had.

"What do you mean?" I replied; surprised that that was not enough.

"Just think about it for a while. Can you think of any situation where you'll have the time to properly hone in on a static target?"

I considered what she said earnestly. Although I'd yet to see her on an actual job, it made sense that a bounty was not likely to go down without a fight. Only an idiot would stand still and let their predator shoot them, and only an idiot would presume that they would. That was me. Still an idiot, but I was finally learning. "What should I do?"

Kast came over and took the blaster out of my hand. Within one second, she raised it at a crawler and blasted it thrice. First shot actually missed by a couple inches, but the second shot was dead-on. The third one was way off. Then she handed the weapon back to me. "You need to beat them to the draw, and plow your target with enough shots to ensure that it won't move again."

"Shouldn't I aim first?"

"I pointed it at the creature, didn't I? Outside of that, it's really just a matter of luck."

I was really puzzled by her lesson. "Luck?"

"Yes, luck." She went on to explain her theory on gunfights. "Unlike the Jedi, we can't rely on some mystical Force to take care of things for us. We either have to be the best at what we do, which is far more trouble than it's worth, or the luckiest. To be the luckiest, all you need to do is fire so many shots that your target is too afraid to shoot back or move into cover. If they choose to hide, explosives are your best friend, and no amount of skill in the world will save you from a well-placed explosive blast. If they don't, well, they're already dead."

"Are you going to teach me about those too?"

"Eventually. I want to make sure you've mastered your other skills before you start on something that . . . unstable."

That was enough for me. For the next several months, I rarely worked on my blaster skills. I continued to establish myself as a professional on all things electronic. I think that was my inherit gift. Sometimes, I wonder if I got it from my parents. I prefer to assume that I did because it makes me feel like they gave me something even in their death. I don't specifically recall any fancy computers in our home, but who knows? Regardless, it was easily my greatest talent.

Unless wisdom is a talent, but then again that took me a LONG time to obtain and implement that properly. Actually that wouldn't make sense. Everybody can be wise if they take what they've learned as they've grown and used it to better themselves. Wait . . . that's not true either. Agh! I don't know. We'll discuss this some other time when I've got my thoughts gathered on it.

Anyway, I spent a total of six years with Kast. Each year I stayed with her, she gave me extra duties or training. The first year, as I mentioned, was the blaster. The second year, she taught me to fly the ship. I got to be pretty good at that. She eventually let me fly the majority of her missions, probably because I was better than her. Granted my skill was only with freighter-class starships, but it proved to be enough most of the time.

Third year, I got my first slice-pad. That made my computer work go by faster. Fourth year, she taught me all about explosives. That's probably my weakest skill, but thankfully, the only part of explosives you need to be absolutely perfect at is NOT having them explode early. That part I got. What I never could get was determining the different explosive qualities and quantity needed on different jobs.

Fifth year she began to take me on her jobs. I got into a pretty messy fight with an immature manka cat on the first one. It left me this three-claw scar on my face, as you can see. It wasn't quite as big as it appears now, as I was still a teen, but it's still close to the original size.

So on the sixth year, she originally had nothing left to give me. Things changed once we completed a job on Nar Shaddaa. At this time I was fifteen, and ready to take on more challenging targets, so we went after a duros gang that was working a slave train for the hutts. With some decent planning, we took out our targets quickly. What caught my eye, however, was when Kast saw over the slaves. Apparently, they'd been drugged, beaten and subdued already; just waiting for their new masters to appease.

Kast killed them all.

I . . . was completely shaken. This was just . . . SO unlike her. I mean . . . we NEVER killed innocents. I couldn't believe that she would do something so seemingly cruel and horrid. I was so furious that I yelled at her. "What the hell are you doing? We don't do stuff like that!"

"They're better off dead, now."

"How would you know?" I was so angry and . . . I felt betrayed. This couldn't be the same person who saved me when I was a street urchin; she couldn't have.

"Because I DO!" She pulled me to her face when she spoke. "They've given up on life! If I had let them go, they'd only get taken again! There's no hope for them; no chance of survival."

She let go of me and walked off towards our land speeder. We didn't talk about this again until we got back to the ship. That's when she finally decided to tell me her story, realizing that she still owed me for my sixth year. What she told me completely changed my understanding of her decisions.

"I was a bastard child. My father was a bounty hunter, and my mother was a noble. When she realized she was pregnant with me, she tried to have me aborted, but her family found out and forced her to have me. That was her punishment for her infidelity. Once I was born, however, she tried to get rid of me by giving me up to my father. He agreed so long as I didn't cause him any trouble with his work.

"I had a nanny take care of me for the majority of the time. My father hardly sat with me, spoke to me, or cared for me. My nanny cared even less, apparently only staying because she was my father's new lover. I was with him for fifteen years before it happened.

"My father angered a hutt, and that slug decided to teach him a lesson by stealing me, and killing the nanny in the process. I thought that my father would come to save me. I thought he would come save me no matter what. When the hutt tried to blackmail my father with me, here merely sent a holovid."

Kast took a deep breath before she went into the difficult part. "He said that he didn't care what happened to me. He said if I wasn't so weak and timid, then I wouldn't have been caught and taken. He said that he simply didn't care enough about me. With that, I became a permanent slave for the hutt.

"Every filthy thug in his palace had put their hands on me at least once; most of them more than that. I rotted in that pit for years. Say what you will about Republic bureaucracy or Imperial dominion, but NOTHING is worse than being a slave to a hutt."

A tear rolled down her face, but she couldn't hide it fast enough. "I realized that if I was to have any hope, I needed to make it myself. I seduced a bounty hunter into an enclosed space. When he was distracted, I knocked him out and stole his armor and weapons. Then I killed the hutt and all of his guards. Then I set myself up as a bounty hunter, and trained myself as best as I could. I vowed to myself that I would NEVER appear weak or timid again."

Now I've heard some pretty messed up stories in my life, but that's easily one of the worse. I didn't know what to say to her. I thought about what she said, and how her story related to my own. Despite the fact that I still disagreed with her decision to kill the slaves, I think I grew closer to her.

It's sad that my time with her was severed quickly after that. During another mission about a month later, we went after a guy that was wanted by a trandoshan warrior. Normally, a trandoshan will hunt for a target himself, but in this case, he was unable. He just wanted us to see this man killed. We did so, but it turned out that this guy was an imperial agent. Now we were wanted by the Empire, and that meant trouble. We hid from them for a while, but eventually they caught up to us.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Before I get into what exactly happened that brought me into the Empire, I think I should explain my position on the two side of the war. I may have briefly mentioned them, I don't remember, but this is what I thought: they were both putrid. Living in hutt-controlled space may be worse for the common people than anywhere else, but the fact that they exist is a testament to the lack of caring either the Empire or the Republic has to fix the galaxy. So, to hell with them both.

That's about it, really. It's not like I made contact with them much in my early years, so there you have it. The fact is, however, that I saw them both as a whole body, and anyone remotely part of one side or another was part of the rancid filth that embodied either side.

So . . . the ambush. We fell squarely into it. Kast and I had made a stop on the space station over Sullust for some basic supplies and to see if any new jobs had opened for us. A relatively new contact told us about a high-profile high-paying mission on Balmorra. Something about terrorist activities and what-not. We were skeptical, but he told us we could meet our hirer on the planet. We took some time to consider, but it came down to the fact that since we'd begun running from the imps, we'd had a shortage of well-paying jobs. We were barely staying abroad with our funds, so we accepted.

I suspect you can guess what happened next.

The moment we touched down I could feel the tension in the air. I considered mentioning it to Kast, but I didn't. I'm not sure why. In any case, we went to meet our contact at the local cantina. If anyone planned to ambush us, the cantina would have been the worse place to do so; lots of witnesses and what-not. That made it a relatively safe meeting place. I use the word 'relatively' strongly. The cantina had been emptied, but by the time we'd realized that, we were already locked in. We were immediately surrounded by imperial soldiers. I distinctly remember their leader approaching us with a smug look on his face.

That man, I knew not his name, but it didn't matter. He nonchalantly sauntered directly in front of Kast, an incredibly bold thing to do. She hadn't drawn her blaster yet, but I think you already know how fast she could draw, and at that range, it didn't matter where she aimed. I was too stunned to do anything. The tension in the room was so high, I felt as though my heart had stopped.

Anyway, the imperial captain was incredibly confident, but he hadn't spoken up until now. I didn't realize that one could ooze such confidence as he did. He would be the first of the two that could do that; the last being Serroth.

"Well, well, well..." He was too much. "The infamous Skye Kast. Tales of your deeds-and your beauty-had reached our ears before, but you were so abysmally worthless to recognize as an actual asset. Now, it seems, you want to prove your worth as an enemy instead. It is a shame that you had to choose the target that you did. Now what do you suppose will happen to you?"

"It was all a mistake," I couldn't tell through her helmet whether Kast was pleading for her life, or just explaining herself. "Had I known his position, I wouldn't have taken the job."

"They do all tend to say that, and many do tend to tell the truth. The fact of the matter is that an imperial agent is dead. How do you propose to make up for that?"

"I, uh..." At this point, she knew that she was lost. True to her code, her first instinct was to survive, at all cost. "Whatever it takes."

"Heh, heh, heh..." The smile on his face widened even further. He slid the back of his index finger across the cheek of her helmet. "Then I suppose you will need to show your gratification for me letting you live."

The implication was all too obvious to Kast, having heard similar lines back as a slave. She shoved his hand off her helmet with one hand while drawing her blaster with the other. The thought of being a slave to such a snob overpowered her desire to live.

"BASTARD!" She cried as she fired as many times as she could at the officer. Though she did end his life, it was at the cost of her own. The dozen or so troopers surrounding us blasted at her without question. In the heat of it all I . . . I had dropped to the ground out of fear. Unless I was to count that manka scratch on my face, this was the first time I had come to the brink of being killed, and that frightened me. When all the shooting was over, I opened my eyes and looked around.

The imperial troopers surrounded me with their rifles all pointed at me. For a moment, I felt the chill of death touch fill me to my soul. In that instant, I was transported back to the death of my parents. I had become the immature child again, cowering in an air duct. I thought it was all going to end right there . . . but I was saved by an unexpected ally.

"Holster your weapons!" The voice of another officer behind them ordered. The man approached me and held out a hand for me to take. Too scared to do anything else, I took it. He patted me on the back and led me away. He spoke to the other soldiers. "This boy was not involved with the shooting of the agent. I'll have him debriefed myself."

I don't remember too much about the trip, but he took me to his shuttle and off to some imperial-controlled planet. He briefly told me about himself, that his name was Raz Murgood and that he was a lieutenant in Imperial Intelligence. He also asked me about myself. I told him everything from my time joining up with Kast to the present. That seemed enough to please him. He said that he'd protect me from the crime that she had committed if I were to live under his house. I didn't have to think twice about it. The choice of life or death simple. I didn't have the same issue as Kast, but then again, I was never put quite in the same situation as she.

Despite not remembering much of the trip, I do remember arriving at his home on Dromund Kaas. I remember it well because it was there that I met his other adopted child. She was a young, chiss girl named Am'ithiel, and she . . . she was . . . dammit! I can't think of the word! I don't think I can think of another that really describes her. Curious? Weird? Special? Bah! None of those really fit! She was all of those things and more, but there was one thing that made me keep my distance: her age. You see, I was six years her senior, which isn't that much considering my age now, but it meant a lot back then. A girl her age shouldn't have been trying to get together with me. I was fifteen, and I knew that she was far too immature to realize what she was asking, so I just avoided her whenever I had the chance.

Yeah, that's right. Am'ithiel was in love with ME. You might find that hard to believe, you might even try to deny it, but the truth was that she loved me. It was foolish of her at the time, I'll warrant, but it doesn't change the fact that she did. No matter whatever you were told or were brought up to believe, that is what happened. It will only make what happened later much harder to believe, but you must accept it for what it is: the truth.

I suppose the shock might be a bit much for you, so I'll leave you with just this for now. My next transmission will be on how our relationship changed: first from my perspective, and then from hers.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Before we talk about Am'ithiel, I should briefly tell you about another woman who made an appearance in my life around that same time. She was a sith pureblood that for some reason had considered me her rival. It was weird because she always talked down to me as if I was hardly worth the notice to her, so of course she compared all of her exploits to her master with my workings at intelligence. What a contradiction.

Her name was Lindru, and she was one of those sith that got angry real fast. If you did something that only slightly appeared like it was disrespectful, she would go on a killing spree. So naturally I antagonized her every chance I got. The only reason I got away with so much was the fact that Murgood had her master's good ear. Obviously, things between us were quite tense. The point I'm trying to make here, really, is that the only thing preventing her from trying to kill me was my position in the Empire.

Yeah, I started working with Imperial Intelligence. Realizing the skills I had obtained with Kast, Murgood began utilizing me as an assassin. I spent a couple years or so going through some basic and advanced military training just to ensure that I followed protocol, but it was mostly useless information. I was too young to go on any missions, so I was what they called a 'Watcher' for a short while. This expanded my education on computers; not to mention giving me the knowledge necessary to begin building my first droid.

Soon afterwards, I'd found myself out in the field. It kept me moving for a long time, tracking numerous different targets and the like, snatching tips here and there. I rarely spent anytime back at Dromund Kaas. That's probably why I never let imperial life sink in. I mean, yeah, I was a teenager, and the rebellious nature came rather naturally, but it was different. To me, life just felt like it was before the Empire barged its way into it; minus Kast, of course.

Around my seventh year with Murgood, I was called back for 'vacation time.' That really meant that Murgood was going to attempt another 'conversion.' Basically it involved talking to me while briskly walking through KaasCity, trying to convince me of the glory of the Empire. It was futile. They ALL were futile. I mean, the only reason I really stayed with the Empire was because I felt I owed it to Murgood. He saved my life, and in return, I gave him my services. That didn't mean he had my loyalty to the Empire.

Just as before, this conversion was no different: it started calm, I rolled my eyes a lot, things heated quickly, and then my vacation time got cut. No different than before. I was allowed to sleep in his house for the night, but on the next day, I would be off on yet another mission.

That's when I ran into her again; Am'ithiel, I mean. I hadn't seen her the last time I was there. She had grown. A lot. I was pretty stunned at her appearance. Granted, I think that was her intent. She clearly wanted something from me.

"Did you really plan on leaving without saying 'hi' to me?" She asked in an exaggerated pout. Despite my surprise to see her, I really was not in the mood to talk, which I explained to her.

"Amy, I'm not interested," I called her 'Amy' for short ever since I first met her. "If Raz is only going to call me back just to try and convince me of the 'glory of the Empire,' then I don't think I'll bother coming back at all."

"Then we'll never get to see each other." She moped. I really didn't like it when she tried to do that. I guess she thought that I'd find it cute, but it really just came off as immature.

"Sorry Amy, but having to deal with his self-righteous attitude just makes me want to puke." I brushed past her, hoping she'd get the message. She did, but not in the way that I had expected. Amy . . . I mean, Am'ithiel chased after me, completely dropping her act.

"Wait a minute!" She rushed ahead of me to block the door to my old room. "Listen, can we talk about this before you ruin whatever life you still have?"

The way she worded that worried me. I knew she wasn't threatening me, but it was a warning of those who clearly would. "Go on."

"Dad is getting all sorts of flak from his superiors about you." I remember her putting a gentle hand on my arm, not quite tall enough to put it on my shoulder. "They know that you don't support that Empire like the rest of us. Dad's been cautioned that if you continue to act out as you have, that they'll take matters into their own hands, and you know what that means."

She was right: I did know, and it wasn't a pretty picture. "All the more reason to dislike them for what they are."

"Look, I know that our ways may be a bit . . . extreme, but it's for the good of the galaxy. People don't respond to authority that isn't firm. It's not out of enjoyment, but necessity that order must be restored under Imperial rule." I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. I was expecting the response of someone much more irresponsible. Yet, she caught me off-guard, and it got more uncomfortable when I felt her other hand press against my chest. "Please, don't give them reason to expose you as a traitor. Is it really worth all the fuss you make?"

I found myself speechless for a second, which only worsened when I finally spoke. "I, uh . . . well, uh . . . the thing is . . ."

She smiled at me; one that I'd never seen before. Every other time she smiled, it was like she was trying to attract me. This one felt like there was genuine care in it. "You know I don't worry how you feel about the Empire, but maybe you could just hush about your feelings when you're around dad. Maybe then his superiors won't react."

Somehow, we had switched positions. Now I was the one blocking the door and she was the one pressing in. I don't know how she did it, but somehow I was no longer angry. And for the first time, I didn't feel awkward around her. She seemed so much more grown-up than the last time I'd seen her. Hell, she seemed more mature than when we first started talking.

Once the door was shut behind us, Am'ithiel stood on her toes to kiss me. "We can work it out . . . by ourselves."

I'm not going to go into detail on what happened after that. All I can say is that she had won me over. I'll admit that I may have been wrong to indulge in such pleasure, but that doesn't change what happened. Am'ithiel and I were on very good terms with each other after that. VERY good terms. She'd even convinced me later that night that the Empire might not be so bad.

It helped when I was able to speak with Murgood the next morning with a much more tolerable attitude. He told me that after I completed this one quick job, I could come back directly to discuss 'my future.'

If . . . I had not been sent on that mission, then we wouldn't be where we are right now.

I don't remember the name of the planet I was sent to, but it was on the edge of Imperial-Hutt space. My objective was to assassinate a pair of humans that were smuggling goods to the Republic. Their supposed aliases were Dr. Georg Dramonsak and Professor Ingrid Kasmanord.

Finding them was really easy. As I made for their 'place of operations,' I decided to use my nonchalant approach. I knocked on the door, ever so politely, explaining precisely who I was. They put me on hold, which I permitted for only about ten seconds. After that, sliced open the door and walked in, spooking the both of them in the process. I gave them my best performance yet, pretending like everything was fine when all hell was about to break loose. All I asked was for them to give me the shipping routes of their goods, but they refused. So according to Imperial protocol, I had no choice but to kill them.

Two quick shots: one to the man first, then the woman. No need for excessive blasts as Kast had taught me. With the targets out of the way, I could concentrate on ransacking the house for information. Instead, I found something else. Rather I found someONE else entirely. A small boy, no more than eight years old, hiding inside the only place he could find: a ventilation shaft.

The tears in his eyes told me more than I'd ever wanted to know. I'd just killed the child's parents.

The instant I processed that I . . . froze. Immediately my mind went racing back to the time when I had hidden as a child. Everything came to me as if it was just occurring. I saw the twi'lek shooting my mother, and the gamorrean slashing my father. I recalled the abuse of my mother and the way the two had walked away laughing. But worst of all, I remembered the nightmares.

It hit me so hard and sudden, and it felt so real, that I fell on the ground. I was scurrying about, thinking in my broken state that I could ward off the recollections, but it was to no effect. They had remained hidden, waiting for this very moment to reappear, and now I was to be haunted by them.

And yet . . .

This may seem strange, but although these memories hounded me as a reminder of my past, the thing that frightened me most was the fact that the child would soon share these memories. And it was all my fault.

But no. I was young, and foolish. I refused to be responsible for this. It couldn't have been my fault. Clearly, in my mind, the Empire was to blame. They had forced me down a path that I never would have gone had I not been in their company for so long.

And with that in mind, I returned to Dromund Kaas. The results of my arrival would cause another radical change in my life, and the life of Amy.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

In my desire to move on to the scene that occurs back on Dromund Kaas, I neglected to mention what happened to the child. Before I left, I discovered the kid's identification. His name was Sagus Mandrakos, and he wasn't an only child. Apparently he had an older brother training to become a Jedi. Hoping that he would not immediately seek revenge, I sent him a message via holo-transmitter explaining what happened and that his brother needed transport off planet (I can safely assure you it wasn't nearly as long as this one). It wasn't until I was finished that I returned to the imperial capital.

Just before we get to that, I should mention that the kid's brother, Vagnus, couldn't reach him in his state, so he had to call up a friend of his whom I've had previously run into as well. He was a twi'lek smuggler named Wolgo, and I recall trying to snatch a bounty off of him during my years with the Empire. Tracking him was pretty easy, but everytime I got close, he'd jump onto his ship and dash off. Now I fancy myself a damn good pilot of my ship, but Wolgo . . . Wolgo could be described as both an insane or genius pilot and they'd both be accurate. It wasn't until I had to chase him through an asteroid field that I realized that I'd never catch him. I had retired to a bar on the nearby station when he finally revealed himself.

The man casually walked over to me and put his fatty arm on my shoulder. He told me: "Kid, I don't think any other hunter has ever had the same persistance you have, or has gotten so close to catching me. But trust me on this kid: I'm just another target to you, so there's no shame in loosing to me. The only ones that really matter are those that involve your family. Trust me on that, kid."

He just nonchalantly sauntered off after that. You might then be wondering why I didn't grab him then. Well to tell the truth, it wasn't because I didn't want to, I was just too damn drunk to do it.

Anyway, back to Dromund Kaas.

I was furious. Furious at myself, and furious at Murgood. I was hoping to confront him directly about what happened, and possibly alleviate the pain that was growing in my chest. He was waiting for me when I returned, open arms and everything, the fight we'd had but a couple nights earlier seemingly never happened. He was already going to try to sway me. That blasted fool had no clue what I had in store for him.

I marched over to him with haste, the moment he saw the massive disdain in my face, he dropped his act, looking somewhat concerned for once. "What happened over there? Something go wrong?"

What kind of stupid question was that? I replied through gritted teeth. "I killed the targets. I shot them both just like you wanted them. Does that make you happy? Does making me murder a child's parents in front of him make me worthy of the Empire now?"

He responded with a quizzical look I was too far gone to tell the sincerity of these expressions that I'd never seen him use before. "What are you talking about? The boy should be in the Jedi Academy. He shouldn't have been there to see it."

"They had ANOTHER son, Raz! And he saw everything I did!"

"Oh." Murgood had raised his eyebrows at hearing this news. "Interesting."

_Interesting? _I had thought. _Is that all you have to say?_

He led me back to his speeder and he thought things over until we arrived at his estate. By that time, he'd formulated a 'proper' response to my reaction. "I see now that you truly are a child of the Empire. NOT because of what you did, but how you reacted towards it."

"Oh, really?" I wasn't buying a word he'd said.

"Truly. You care about those that are innocent, and you want to protect them. Despite the fact that the Republic and their beloved Jedi claim to stand just for that, they are weak. You see, the Republic has failed to fulfill such promises for millennia because it requires drastic decisions to be made; decisions that only the Empire is strong enough to make."

"So you know the kid was innocent. Well he's not anymore after, what he's just seen. That's what I did with the Empire backing me up. How's that make the galaxy better with us making decisions like that?"

"Rusl, you _must_ understand that these decisions are difficult for many members and many officers of the Empire."

"I'm sure, but it's the Sith that rule the Empire, and they don't give a damn about the innocent. Some model of leaders they are!"

"Do not speak such about your superiors." Funny; he almost sounded concerned when he said that. "Though they have their personal agendas to follow, they have the vision to see past the little issues that we have difficulty over-"

"A moment ago you said that it was _good _that I was having difficulty with what had happened. Now you're saying that it's just a _little issue _to get over?"

"You are not allowing me to fini-"

"You switch from one strategy to another hoping I won't notice, and try to sound like you're reasonable when you ask for things that are horrendous!"

"The Empire must accomplish wh-"

"The _Empire _is just another power-hungry beast that preys on the weak!"

At that point, Murgood had lost his cool, and replied coldly. "Fool! Do you really think that those were the _only_ parents you've ever killed for the good of our kind?!"

And at _that_ point, _I_ lost my cool. I've heard tales of some beasts that when in full rage, you can see fire in their eyes. I think that happened to me, because not only did I refuse to reply, I jumped at him with full force and began choking the life out of him. In my anger, all I could focus on was hurting him. I couldn't hear anything, nor see anything other than the man who had made me into a monster. He struggled to free himself, and tried to pull his blaster pistol out from his side, but he did not live long enough to use it.

I let his limp body fall to the ground, and as my rage began to slink away I felt . . . empty. I had thought by hurting the man that had made me do all these things that I would feel a release. I thought that I'd feel the pain go away. Instead, I felt worse. I felt like it solved nothing. Not only was the pain still there, but it was accompanied by a chilling revelation that I was only making matters worse.

It took me a moment to realize it, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw her. Am'ithiel ran towards her father, tears rolling down her eyes. She held the man in her arms, hoping that he would somehow come back to life, and that all of what had transpired would just roll away like every other arguement I'd ever had with him. Before long, my hearing returned to me, and I quietly listened to her cry. I'd never heard her cry like this before. I couldn't help it myself. I had to wipe the tears in my own eyes; I couldn't let her see me in my moment of weakness.

It didn't matter. When she was done sobbing, she turned to me in anger. She didn't attack directly, but the words she used pierced me. She spoke in such a hushed tone, I almost didn't hear her threat.

"I'll kill you. If I must wait years, or travel to distant stars, I will make you pay for this."

I believed every word she said. Of course, once Imperial Intelligence realized that one of their lieutenants was killed in his own home, fingers would quickly point to me. I had no choice at that point but to run. I would run from the Empire and never return.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

I didn't know where I was going, I just had to leave. Not just because I would soon become a wanted man of the Empire, but my entire life had fallen apart. Not until this moment had I ever considered myself to be a monster. I had to find an escape; somehow I thought finding solitude would allow me to revert back to my old self. I took to my ship and immediately set course to a random system.

It turned out to be that of Malachor V. In the event that you aren't familiar with history, I'll summarize its significance. A couple hundred years ago, there was a war between the Republic and the Mandalorians which was started by the sith empire. This was the site of the final battle between the two that ended in a giant slaughter. A Jedi general had activated a powerful weapon that ultimately deadened the planet. After that became kind of vague, but some other encounter brought about the planet's total destruction, but that's not the part that I want to talk about.

You see, I found it kind of ironic. I really found myself pondering the scene. The mandalorians were going to win, and that Jedi general knew it. He had to decide what was most important: keeping his code, and allowing them to win, or using the weapon and stopping the war there and then. One way or the other, thousands of lives would be lost. There was no correct path. How he was able to even _make _a decision baffled me: the weight of so many lives on his shoulders, the eventual consequences of those actions, how did he do it?

I'm probably the last person who could speculate on his character, but I bet it tore him...or was it her?...it probably tore her up.

Anyway, I had given myself some time to think as my ship drifted through space. All my life, I'd done everything I could to live. Anything was permissible as long as it allowed me to stay alive. My recent actions proved to me that this was wrong, but what other choice did I have? When I thought back to my parents dying, and seeing what death meant, I couldn't possibly pick the alternative.

It became clear that if my life was destined to be that of a monster, then I would have to create a new life for myself. To do that, of course, I'd have to die. I had to lure someone from the Empire out to face me, and I knew just who to taunt.

I'd sent an encrypted message to Lindru posing as an informant who had seen me flying out around Nal Hutta. She'd naturally assume it was a trap, but her arrogance would drive her to search for me anyway. I left a number of obvious clues that allowed her to follow me up above the space of Quesh.

This will sound like I'm bragging, probably because it is, but I want to emphasize something to you: I am no average bounty hunter. While I may not always be prepared for everything, I _am_ prepared for my targets and known enemies. Lindru, in this instance, was both. It didn't matter if she was a sith. They, like all people, have their weaknesses, and it's a simple matter of exploiting it. Even Am'ithiel knew this to an extent, and had defeated a sith of her own. The point I'm trying to make is simply that Lindru . . . Lindru had nothing on me.

When she followed me to Quesh, she knew there would be a trap, so the obvious move was to make it simple enough for her to either evade or disable. It would make me appear weak, and will lower her defenses when the real trap would be sprung. I'll try not to bog you down with the details; the first trap was a unique weapon I'd helped Imperial Intelligence create.

It was called a 'sentinel mine.' Basically, it drifts in space until being drawn towards a vessel exiting hyperspace by detecting high amounts of cronau radiation. Then it latches onto into it before exploding; generally undetectable by higher frequency sensors. Of course, she used the Force to sense it and was able to blast it before it got too close. Once she found my ship I hailed her. Of course, I appealed to her pride, and lured her onto my ship to 'fight me face-to-face'. She should have realized that it too was a trap, but she still thought little of me.

You see, I wasn't even on my ship. I'd set up a relay node to allow me to command my ship from the world's surface. The moment her ship latched onto mine, I blew it up. I waited on the surface for a couple weeks, sliced into the Imperial comms waiting to hear the results. Thankfully, they came to the conclusion that Lindru became overzealous, as usual, allowing the explosion to happen, killing the both of us.

My old life was gone, and I was free to live as I pleased. The thing was, I felt that I had much to atone for. I decided to work as a bounty hunter-for-hire, but only for jobs that I deemed noble. Before I could do that, I had to make certain changes to my identity to ensure that no suspicions arose should the imps see me. During that time, I got a couple of prosthetic changes, and even considered lightening my skin and using cybernetics, but I just couldn't get myself to do those. Instead, I got this tattoo on my face. It has no particular significance, I just told the woman doing the job to base the design on flames. For a last touch, I changed my identity. I would only be called by the moniker: Subsister.

I was also going to need a team, but that story will take much too long to explain, and isn't that impertinent. The point is I found a crew. First was Beeko, a rodian that was an 'experimental scientist,' who acted as our medic. Next was Drux, a female Sanyassan, my heavy weapons specialist. Finally, there was Togger, who was a bothan planetologist. He had a wealth of knowledge on various planets in terms of animals, plants, cultures, history, you name it, he had a database for it.

And then there was DD-214, the droid I'd built. He was my protocol droid, knew a couple million languages and dialects, which made him our contact for those who wanted our work. Unfortunately, I'd forgotten that the etiquette correlator I'd made actually gave him a sarcastic edge; worse yet, it fused with his other circuits. Only other option was building a new droid, and I was always too busy to do that; also, he was good at his job, and replacing him seemed rather heartless.

Oh, the ship! Forgot about the ship. It's really become part of me, so I often forget the need to discuss it. It's actually an R-42 Assault Freighter revamped for high-speed pursuits. Also served as our living quarters, which weren't too bad. And the name: aptly called the Rocinante! She was tough ship, and we'd been in many dogfights together. I'm a little sentimental about that ship, far more so than the one the imps gave me.

But there was still a hole in my life that needed to be filled, and it would take quite a few years before I'd finally meet her.

**AN: The word 'Subsister' is more accurately read as Subsist-er, rather than Sub-sister.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

I'd been dead for about six or seven years, so that made me...twenty-nine. Work had been quite steady, we'd been able to avoid both the eyes of the Republic and the Empire. The people we'd helped were grateful for our work, and spread word of our genuine desire to assist the less fortunate.

You see, there is a special feeling you get when you help others with your primary intention simply being that you want to. That's not to say you can't get paid for your services, my unit and I had to eat just like the rest of them, but seeing someone's reaction after saving a family member from some gang...it's really wonderful. Hell, I'd even done some jobs that didn't really even need a bounty hunter's expertise; I just did them because the feeling I got for helping people was great.

As you can see, or rather, _deduce_, I was finally beginning to come to a place of peace; but there were still two things that kept me from obtaining that goal.

The first was simply the fact that because of the size of our little band, we couldn't possibly tangle with any of the larger crime lords. I actually _wanted_ to go after the Hutts, but the cons just outweighed the pros. We might have done some serious damage to them for a short while, but sooner or later, they'd ratchet up the death marks on us, causing more and more mercenaries to jump on after us. After that, we'd either be dead, or out of work. As the leader of the unit, I chose not to make martyrs out of my crew.

The second was Am'ithiel. I'd recently heard that she'd entered Imperial Intelligence, just as Murgood had done. From what my contacts could tell (what little they could get out of Kaas City), she wasn't convinced I was dead. At first, I thought it wasn't likely I'd being seeing her for some time, as Intelligence training is very grueling, and there was no guarantee her assignments would give her enough time to hunt me down. Still, I didn't want to have to face her, but...I did.

A Republic businessman had a nasty habit of having young women taken from their homes for his own personal pleasure. I was more than happy to take the job of stopping him, and it led me to the planet Hoth. It was there that he was to have his latest shipment of slaves transferred to his private liner. I of course, came in guns blazing. He really needed better protection, but I guess he thought the secrecy and location of the transfer was enough security. I had the man tied up, ready to put on the ship, but I had to tend to the slaves.

As you have probably guessed by now, Am'ithiel was amongst the slaves. It was an undercover job. Apparently the imps were going to blackmail him for something or other. I didn't bother with the details; they didn't matter to me. The point was that she was there, and I had her in my grasp. Yes, she was in shackles, but that didn't mean anything; she was going to use her hidden hydrospanner to break out, but she was still unarmed.

This was my chance. She was my last link to my old life. All I had to do was kill her, and there would be no one left to question who I was. Yet, even as she glared at me in contempt, I...I just couldn't get myself to do it. She was a part of me. Besides, I still had hope that there was still that bit of willful innocence in her that she used to show off. I'd hoped that letting her live would show that I had no ill-will towards her, decided to let her off on Nar Shaddaa, before returning the other slaves and turning in the perverted businessman.

It was at this point where helping people wasn't enough. I needed something to help me cope, and like many failures before me, I turned to alcohol. I habitually drank my worries away at nights after hard jobs. Thankfully, I had enough control to keep it from preventing me from completing my job, but when I wasn't working, I doubt there was a sorrier sight than myself.

In fact, it was after a particularly rancid night of binge drinking that I'd finally meet Tyree.

You don't know who Tyree is yet, do you? I'd considered whether or not to tell you about her, but I figured, you'd only find out later on your own. So there's no point in hiding her from your sight. So who is she? Well, let me tell you about her as I myself learned.

Dees was out at the local cantina acting as my liaison for work. Tyree had come up to him concerning a job, wouldn't discuss with the droid; said she'd only talk to the person (or persons) who'd perform the job. So Dees called me on my private comm, told me to get up and become presentable.

"Why not ask one of the others to talk to her?" I'd asked.

"That's right, I hadn't thought of that. Maybe they'll get here in time from the _Nebulous Jewel_. I'm sure they're only three parsecs away." I'd forgotten that the others had gone to celebrate on a luxury cruiser, but I didn't forget when Dees was being sarcastic. "And I'm sure that the _other_ passengers wouldn't mind coming back early. Not like they have any money left to spend after the first night aboard."

"Either shut up, or shut down, Dees. I'll head over as soon as I'm ready."

It took me about an hour to become decent. When I walked into the cantina, I first thought she'd gotten up and left. Turned out not to be the case. She merely chose to wait by herself, away from Dees. The droid figured she'd taken offense to his correlator, and decided to sit on her own. That didn't surprise me. What _did_ surprise me was how young she was. Well...that's not entirely true. She was actually only slightly younger than me. The real surprise was that _despite_ her age, she sat so...confidently.

What I mean is...a young woman like her doesn't just walk into a cantina without carrying a weapon, and yet, she did exactly that. The look in her eyes...daring someone to approach her. She had all the tell-tale signs of a grizzled soldier in her stature, but her figure told otherwise. I...damn! I still get flustered thinking about her then.

Admittedly, I was still a bit hung over, so I couldn't quite appreciate her at that very moment. I actually approached her quite uninterested. She saw me, but didn't move from her seat. "Are you the Subsister?"

I nodded as I sat down next to her. "What's the job?"

"My son was kidnapped. I need your help to get him back."

_My help?_ I remember thinking. "Who took him, and why?"

"Some thugs working for Viddu the Hutt. Said it was be-"

I stopped her before she could continue. A hutt took her kid, and they were off-limits. "Sorry, I can't help you."

I was about to leave when she stood up and blocked my way. "That's it? You're afraid of some thugs?"

"Viddu is far too influential for a small force to attempt an attack against. Besides which, it's only me at the moment."

I tried to get past her politely, but she wouldn't let me. Shamefully, I'd pushed her aside as I made my way out, but she persisted. "Is this the great 'defender of the weak' that I'd heard about or not?"

"They're beyond my reach." I hadn't bothered to face her. Just as I was about exit the door, she'd beat me to it. "Well, I guess you aren't who I thought you were. So if you're not brave enough to do it, then I'll go by myself."

That was a typical ruse by most, but not with her. She genuinely meant that. I could see it in her eyes. There was just no mistaking the sincerity in her expression. It also made things difficult. Going after the hutts was suicidal, but letting her go off and try to save her child was equally so. I had no choice but to give her a second chance. "Give me the details. I might be able to help you."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

The boy's name was Yun. Tyree and I spent the good portion of an hour planning on how to get him back. Once I'd picked up a layout schematic of the meeting place, I found it easy to come up with numerous measures in the event of an unexpected scenario playing out. The one thing you should know about hutt thugs is that there is no such thing as a 'typical' hutt thug.

I don't think I need to remind you of an example I referred to you at the beginning.

The 'meeting' was going to take place the next day at noon. Having that in mind, I went to the meeting place approximately one hour before the exchange. This being a hutt-controlled planet, of course, the thugs had no issue with ensuring that they were at a location befitting their own defenses. They'd picked a small-arms store, which despite its large size, had only one door in and out with guards that searched all customers. This meant I would be drilling my way through the top.

The streets were incredibly busy, so I had to enact a distraction on the streets. Dees was all too happy to serve as such, picking a fight with a rather bulky twi'lek that was selling faux firestones. Once the crowd was focused on the heated exchange, I'd quite easily jetted up to the roof. Like most of the hutts of similar designs, the ventilation system's generator was on top. Sending a mobile camera through it, I counted the number of personnel on the highest floor. To my satisfaction, there was only one, and he was relaxing in front of a holopad, watching a zabrak dancer.

I couldn't tap into their electronics, but that couldn't stop me from disrupting them regardless. A small electromagnet aimed right at the holopad quickly made the guard erupt in rage, propping open the pad's port to see if he could find any problems with it. While he went to work looking for nothing, I began crawling through the air duct myself. It was quite fortunate that I'd been able to fit for the first thirty feet, otherwise everything would have been for naught. Around twenty feet through, I was just above one of the storage rooms. I'd modified my flamethrower to work as a torch, and cut a hole through the plasteel for me to get out. With none to hear me, my infiltration had begun.

I removed most of my equipment at that point and stored it in the room. For added measure, I'd dressed as a simple shopper as to not draw attention to myself. All the while, I was carrying sonic charges with me.

The thing about hutt-controlled buildings is that they like to put up their own thermal scanners throughout their compounds. Problem with that is unless they bring about their own generators, they have to remove the standard security scanners in the process. These guys were overconfident, and didn't bring a generator. So of course, as long as your equipment didn't leave a thermal imprint (like sonic charges), you could walk about with whatever you wanted.

I still had about forty-five minutes before the meeting, so I casually walked around the premises, planting charges in all sorts of inconspicuous, yet, strategic positions. This was in the event that the meeting took place on the ground floor, and I would not be able to grab my equipment to assist her in time. They'd also serve with the exit strategy if they ended moving to the top floor. It's always best to plan for all contingencies.

Thirty minutes before the meeting and a handful of thugs popped inside, pretending to be shoppers as well, and doing a poor job of it. That was my cue to pull back up. Another disruption of the holopad kept the sole guard busy long enough for me to return to my equipment. Then I waited patiently for Tyree to arrive.

Couple minutes early, my datapad began to spike, indicating Tyree had arrived. I had her hide a tracer inside her shoe so I could keep track of where she was inside the building. In the unlikely event that the guards were able to find it, she knew exactly how to respond. She would tell them that if the tracer was disabled, meaning she were to die, that a bounty hunter would swoop in quickly and demolish the entire building. It was a bluff of sorts, and only partially true.

Regardless of whether or not they played by the rules, they were all going to die.

Unfortunately, Tyree was shuffled to an unpredicted location. Apparently the schematics I had were slightly out of date, since the hutts had added a basement level previously undocumented. Unfortunate, but still workable. It was just going to be more painful than desired.

Six of the eight guards went down the basement will Tyree, so it was easy to slip by them as well and follow them to the basement. Of course, that had a security lock on it as well; still prepared, though. I had a code cylinder for such an occurrence, so that only slowed me for a second. The door opened up to a staircase that twisted backwards to another room. One last door, where the meeting was taking place. I could hear them talking things over. From what it sounded like, they didn't know about the tracer yet, because they were trying to extort even more money out of her.

"The deal was two thousand credits, and I've got it right here." That was Tyree.

"No one question Viddu! You pay three thousand or we kill boy!" A twi'lek with broken basic.

"Perhaps if you mentioned it before I might have been able to get it, but there's no chance now."

"You pay two thousand now, go back and bring us the next thousand. We keep boy 'til then."

"Hmph! I'm not leaving here without my son." Though I couldn't see her, I had no doubt the look in her eyes startled a couple of the guards.

"You have no choice. Give money now, or boy dies!"

There was a brief pause, but Tyree seemingly conceded. She tossed the credit chit and headed for the door. She knew how to adapt, I had to give her that. The moment she pressed the button to slide the door open, she side-stepped away, allowing me to have a clear toss into the crowded room. The guards, completely caught _off_ guard, were unable to protect themselves from the sonic screamer. Less than a second later, they were all covering their ears. That was all the time I needed to leap in and disable the guards. Only ten seconds later, and all the thugs were unconscious on the floor.

Picking up a random blaster, I watched the door for the inevitable search to occur. Putting my teacher's training to work, I fired a volley of rounds at the targets that did come by while standing still. They dropped like dekk flies. With the exit clear, I turned back to see Tyree right behind me, carrying her kid in her arms.

"Let's go!" She said. So unlike any woman I'd known.

We rushed to the main floor, everything was still clear, so I guided them outside long enough to ensure they were safe while I headed back in to get the rest of my equipment. It was as I was putting my armor back on that I realized that a stray bolt had sunk into my arm, and it hurt like hell. Enough so that I had to carry my chest plate out on my own.

So that was the rescue: despite the plan going about as far off course as it possibly could, we were able to save Yun. And that started my path to redemption.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

You know, I was considering for a while whether or not to tell you about what happened that night. I mean, I could just tell you about her personality, her job and all that instead. Well, I _did_ consider doing that before sending this, but I realized that Tyree...she deserves more than that. I couldn't possibly in my right mind reduce her to a series of "she's a lot like 'this' and does a lot of 'that.'" So I think it's best that I tell you what happened exactly as it occurred.

Tyree and I'd decided to regroup at her house, main reason being for Yun's sake. I'd arrived about five minutes or so after she had. Just inside the main door, she was helping him recover from the sonic screamer. As much as I'd hoped the boy wouldn't have had to feel the effects of the grenade, it was a necessary evil. I did, as you should expect now, prepare for this by reducing the frequency of the blast, but it still was a very unpleasant experience for those who didn't have a nullifier, which Tyree and I both had.

"Mom, it still hurts!" The boy whined. Having only brief glimpses of the boy before, I hadn't realize that he was a little bit small for a kid four years old.

"I know, honey." Tyree replied, a motherly smile on her face. I'm positive that just seeing it helped soothe the boy's pain. "But you're home, now; safe and sound."

"Mom," the boy continued. "Why did they take me away? Why couldn't I see you?"

I noticed a slight hint of her losing composure for the slightest bit of a second, but she recovered quickly. "They...wanted me to do something for them, and I told them that I wouldn't. They were mad, and thought it would be funny if they kept you away from me for a little while."

"It wasn't funny, mom." Yun replied, making a particularly astute observation for his age. Still, his mother was quick to respond. "I know, babe; it wasn't. They were bad people, and didn't know any better. But they won't ever bother you again. You understand?"

"Uh-huh." The boy nodded his head. Tyree kissed him on the forehead, and began wiping away the dirt and grime on his face. It was at that moment that I stepped closer to the two, and they both noticed me. Before I could introduce myself to the kid, he asked his mother a question that was...difficult to answer. "Mom, is that daddy?"

Strong as Tyree was before, she wasn't able to keep herself smiling there. I didn't have to know the story. Whether or not her husband was dead or had left them, the boy believed him to still be alive. She turned to me, unsure how to respond, and it was only through quick thinking that I was able to salvage the situation.

Heh. That's...not true. I'd empathized with Yun, and I'd completely fallen for Tyree. I think my reply only worked because of that. "No, but I'm a friend of his. And when your mother told me what had happened I promised I'd help out anyway that I could."

There was no reaction at first, but I think once Yun had processed everything, he smiled back. "Oh, okay."

"Baby," Tyree brought his attention back to her. "I bet if you get a good night's sleep, you'll feel much better in the morning."

"But it's not even dark out." The boy complained, typical of his age. Tyree, of course, had a rebuttal ready. "Yes, but if you sleep now, you'll wake up early and then we could go to the park together."

That was all the boy needed to hear. He rushed to his room and shut the door. That's when Tyree finally noticed the burn on my arm. "You were wounded?"

It still hurt, but for some reason, I tried to play it off. "Yeah, but it's not a big deal."

"Really?" She raised an eyebrow, while heading to a seemingly random cabinet. "With blaster bolts, there's always the chance of a severed or seared artery. Tell me: can you even move your arm?"

"Yes, I can move it. Barely, but it's not that bad." I was still trying to impress her. I don't know why I bothered. She was able to see right through it, too. "Just sit down at the table and I'll take a look at it."

She returned from the cupboard with a bag that held a number of medical tools. I was only able to recognize two: a bioscanner and a flash-sterilizer. She first took a look through the scanner, confirming her suspicions. "Well, it's not severed, but the branchial artery did get a little scorched. Luckily, you won't need a hemostat."

After quickly using the flash-sterilizer, she placed a bandage on my arm. I finally decided to ask the one question on my mind. "So did your husband leave, or die?"

Tyree didn't let it stop her work this time as she continued wrapping the bandage. "Left at first. Died only recently."

"I'm sorry to hear that." I was sincere, but she must have found that funny, because she chuckled slightly. "It's because he died that Viddu's thugs bothered to come around. He owed them money, and they thought they could get it from me."

I really couldn't believe it. "Why would your child's father walk out in the first place?"

Another chuckle out of her. It reminds me that I was still rather naïve. "He _wasn't_ Yun's father."

She finished tying up the bandage and put her tools away. When she returned she had a pair of glass cups in her hand with a foreign beverage. "Now, I've made so many mistakes in my life that I've lost count. My husband and I married too young. We didn't realize how much we merely tolerated each other. He found other vices to satisfy him, as did I. One of which was a nice, young man; a medic in the Republic army. I don't regret what we did, but I do wish that things hadn't gotten so out of hand.

"When my husband realized I was pregnant with Yun, and that he wasn't his, he killed the medic." She put one of the drinks down while taking a sip of her own. "Blasted fool should have realized that the Republic wouldn't let him get away with it, so he ran off, hoping the Republic would never find him."

She probably mentioned the two men by name, but I honestly can't remember them.

I took a drink from the cup she left for me, and was caught off guard. I expected it to be a fruit juice, but it turned out to be alcohol. She noticed my surprise, and answered my next question before I could even ask. "Jawa Beer."

"It's...pretty good." I chugged it all down immediately afterwards. She was not so frivolous with hers, taking her time with it. She then turned the table towards me. "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"I mean, what's _your_ story?"

I pondered for awhile on whether or not I should tell her of myself. I'd never talked about my past to anyone before, so it seemed an obvious choice to keep it my own. It was just that...Tyree opened up to me, and I felt that it was only right to return the favor. Now I won't bore you by recounting my tale again as I explained it to her, and just tell you that her reaction was a surprising mix of perplexity and sadness.

There was a rather large pause when I finished telling my story. It was broken when Tyree suddenly smiled at me, and responded kindly. "Makes me wonder who in the galaxy _doesn't _have a sad story to tell."

From anyone else, I would've thought she was mocking me, but she was honest. With the warring factions and rampant crime lords, it would be very surprising to hear someone who didn't have one. But that wasn't her only meaning. It was just her way of saying 'We are all screwed up, in our own ways.'

...I think that's enough for today. It pretty much ended there anyway; we just spoke casually of various things after that for another hour before I left for the ship. I made it a point to visit her often after that, and our friendship...er..._blossomed_ into something more later.

At this point, you might be thinking of a way to use her and Yun as an exploit to get to me, but I should tell you now, that _that_ would be a big mistake. I mean, when Amithiel finally did it, she had the benefit that I didn't want to hurt her. But I haven't met you before, and though I know you, and would prefer you not attempt to find me, do not think I won't defend my family.


End file.
